Well, I actually got this one right. Once I backed out of “the problem” Madeline was forced to take matters in her own hands. She approached the frienemy in gym class and called a truce. They hugged and it has been going well since. For now, anyway.
In the meantime I have written two letters to each of my oldest daughters. I had given Madeline the American Girl Doll book “A smart girl’s guide to friendship troubles” to help her with her friendship woes but she poo-pooed it. She doesn’t need a book she reassured me. Hmmm, that’s interesting because she certainly seemed to want my assistance. That’s when I decided to write the first letter. She loves to hear stories about when I was a little girl and especially stories about my school and friendship troubles.I pulled some of the important points I wanted her to read from the book and applied them to my own childhood experiences. I wrote about the times I was teased or I didn’t feel like I fit in. I shared my insecurities about my freckles and my nose and how there were times I felt jealous of another girl who had what I wished I had. The letter ended with how I came to love myself, gained confidence, and to always stay true to who I am.
I want my girls to know that all of these little life “blips” are learning lessons, milestones we all have to go through to figure out who we are. If we learn to love ourselves and treat others as we want to be treated then everything else will fall into place. There will always be little blips in our lives but if we feel good about ourselves then those blips will be more manageable. Blah, blah, blah.
Madeline loved the letter and it sparked quite a conversation between us. She is at the age where she looks up to me so it is very reassuring for her to know I’ve experienced some of the issues she is dealing with right now and I came out okay. The letter went over so well that I wrote another but it is sealed for now.
I know that in a few short years I will no longer be the center of my kid’s universe. They will be trying to gain independence, experience the world without me, and will keep secrets from me. I know we won’t always see eye to eye and I will no longer seem cool to them. I hope we will be able to continue to communicate but I also expect that it will be a trying time for us.
The second letter explains all this plus how I’m trying to keep them safe and only want the best for them even when it seems like I don’t understand. I want them to know that at the time I wrote the letter I was looking into the future with uncertainty. I am afraid of the teenage years. It’s a critical time and I don’t want to mess it up. I want them to know that I do remember being their age and that I didn’t always use good judgement. We are both going to make mistakes and I just hope that we can get through them and still like each other. I shared that I hope they will feel like they can come to me about anything and I can be reasonable.
At this point I don’t know how the letter will be received. When we hit our first teenage years blip I plan to give them their sealed letter. I will encourage them to write me back. I don’t know if will be helpful or not but I figure it’s worth a try.
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