Kerry Katona: It's a shame she picked bikini a size too small

By Robbie Collin, 18/01/2009

YOU can take the fat out of Kerry Katona . . . just a shame you can’t put some fashion sense into her.

IT FIGURES: New bod, hence the scars, but Kerry's got the same old taste

And now we know why Mum’s gone to Iceland — it’s so she could pick up a brand new BacoFoil bikini.
But although some might feel a little queasy seeing her squeezy into this “bikini”, the mum-of-four seemed more than happy to show off her new figure.
See more of Kerry Katona's topless beach photos
For this is the new, low-fat Kerry Katona wrap, a former meat-feast that now comes with almost 50 per cent off. Here’s her slim-fast recipe:
Simply take a 14-stone, washed- out pop star (preferably free-range with a personal trainer).

Foil

Soak in alcohol, add £15,000-worth of cosmetic surgery (don’t skimp on the liposuction) and trim breast from 34GG to a 34DD.
Wrap in silver foil (but not too tightly — as our pictures show, you may run the risk of exposing excess flesh which can have disastrous results in presentation). Drizzle in suncream and leave to roast in the baking Spanish heat for a few hours.
Remove the top layer of foil when nicely glazed, exposing the breast (don’t worry about any wrinkled skin) and leave to simmer.
Finally, season with bailiffs, sorry, bay leaves. For a bit on the side dish, Kerry is complemented well by a randy 37-year-old car cleaner — but be sure to remove any car grease, grime and slime before serving.
And voila! You have a surprisingly lean and tasty Kerry Katona weighing in at a healthy 8st.
The former Atomic Kitten star has dropped from a Size 16 to a Size 10 since her training, dieting and surgery last August.

Rest

And she looked happy enough in her new body, being chased across the sand by breast-grabbing hubby Mark Croft.
An onlooker said: “They both looked happy but they were worn out.
“They’ve had the year from hell so it makes sense to start 2009 with a bit of a rest.”

WPC becomes model..and blows the lid on cops' wild sex secrets

SORRY boys in blue -you're BUSTED.

That's the message from ex-cop Sinead McNamara as she hangs up her uniform to make an arresting sight as a model.
For today the beauty bares witness to the wild sex secrets of our bobbies on the beat.
"No one cares because everyone is at it, in patrol cars, at the station," says Maxine. "I did it with one senior PC in a police van on duty. Boy were we rocking it."
Click here to see more photos of ex cop turned model Sinead McNamara
Maxine, 26, tells how Blues made Twos whenever the chance came up. She first saw the evidence shortly after joining up . . . and catching four cops bed-handed in her hotel room at a force swimming competition.
"I was sharing with two girls and when I came back to the room they were at it with PCs on the beds. They told me to stay and watch," she says.

Park

It wasn't long before she was at it too. "My PC would make sure we were on night shift together," she says.
"We'd drive the van into a park climb into the back and do it. It made the shift go faster."

COP THIS: Maxine now

And Maxine reveals how she once copped off with another officer boyfriend in a SHOWER at her nick in Havering, East London.
"He walked in as I was in there, stripped and lifted me up to have sex against the wall. It was mind-blowing," says Maxine. The randy cops loved taking risks. "We were at a Christmas do one year and one female PC gave another cop oral sex under the table while her husband was sat a few tables away," she says.
"Things would always get out of hand on work nights out and there'd be an orgy somewhere.
"It's easy to get away with it because of the unsociable hours police officers work-you spend all your time with colleagues and not your family or friends."
The stunner even claims detectives used cases as an opportunity to pull. "DC's are notorious for it. Gathering statements can take a few days and several meets with the witness.

ON PARADE: Army days

"They would build up banter, go to their houses and seal the deal in more ways than one."
And she says she knew of patrol car PCs who would look for drunken girls at weekends to give them a lift home. "They would chat them up and s**g them."
But now, unlike them, she's put her truncheon away for good for a modelling career. "For the first time in my life I'm loving being a woman. I've spent years covering up and having to dress like a bloke," says Maxine who also spent time in the Army.
But she still uses one bit of official kit-her HANDCUFFS. "I think all coppers have used them in the bedroom at some point. I know I have-it drives blokes wild!"